Happiness

One of the – sometimes – unspoken expectations when we buy something is that it will, to some degree, make us happy.

We buy a new appliance, or a nice piece of furniture for our home, and it satisfies an idea we had that led us to buy it in the first place. Part of that idea is that the new oven, or couch, will make us happy.

We shop for a new piece of clothing, and we expect that we’ll enjoy wearing it.

Even a trip to the grocery store is often accompanied with an expectation that the food we buy will make for a yummy meal that we’ll savor.

We can buy gizmos like smart phones or Apple watches, and we expect they’ll improve, to some extent, the quality of our lives.

And each of these purchases usually does bring us some degree of satisfaction or pleasure… for a little while.

But part of our strength as human beings is our capacity to adapt to a multitude of circumstances; from tremendous wealth and opportunities, to severe poverty or physical danger. We can expand into great flourishing, or we can make do, struggle, and muddle through rough times.

“Hedonic adaptation” is the term that researchers use to describe this capacity to adapt to different circumstances while staying within a range of overall happiness. This gift of adaptability is a wonderful advantage in a continually changing world, full of endless creativity, unanticipated events, and unpredictable possibilities, good or bad.

It also means that we adapt to good things relatively quickly, so the happiness we experience from them is often fleeting.

…then we need another good thing.

…and another.

And when we become used to the availability of good things, when we come to expect them as a regular experience of a good life, we enter what’s called the “Hedonic Treadmill.”

Needing more and more good things in order to feel what we’ve come to expect as a baseline of happiness can be exhausting. It can undermine the sense of happiness we enjoy with each positive experience.

And in that way we can undermine our sense of being happy about our life.

But there is an antidote; something we can deliberately practice and gets easier over time, and that can significantly affect our happiness:

Read More

We are in the midst of remarkable times, and our relationship to money is very different because of it. Appreciating this can open up possibilities for how you think, feel and act with your money.

We all see the world through the lens of the culture and the times in which we live. People living during the Renaissance didn’t know they were living during the Renaissance and didn’t call it that. It’s often only in hindsight that we can see the pattern.

Today it’s hard to fully appreciate the truly remarkable conditions in which we live. For us it’s just life. For our ancestors, it would be breathtaking.

Consider that for nearly all of mankind’s existence, our ancestors lived on the equivalent of about $1-$3 a day. Imagine paying for your home, your food, your clothing, your medical needs – everything – from a total of $1,095 for the entire year/$91 per month. For us that would be dire poverty, yet that’s what our ancestors have lived on – and, until recently, most of the population on earth.

Something changed all that, beginning in the later 1600’s in Holland, and spreading and growing in England in the 1700’s and moving gradually – and then recently more quickly – throughout the rest of the world.

That $3 a day grew by a very conservative factor of 16, and more realistically, when you include the vast improvement in the quality of goods and services, more like a factor of 100 (how do you compare an iPhone, or antibiotics, with anything in existence a few hundred years ago?).

This was the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, followed soon after by what Deirdre McCloskey calls “The Great Enrichment” – which we are very much still enjoying.

Throughout history there have been times and places of improved economic conditions. But for perspective, the best that you’ll find is maybe a raising of average income to $6 or maybe $8 a day, and that never lasted for very long; and it’s still dire poverty by our standards.

Today, worldwide average income is about $33 a day, and in the wealthier countries it’s more like $100 a day or more.

So if you’re reading this, it’s very likely that the average income among everybody in your country – not just a fortunate few – is more than 30 times what our ancestors could expect to live on. Adding the incalculable innovations and improvements (those iPhones and antibiotics again), we can conservatively more than triple that.

This isn’t the difference between having a clunky car or a nicer car; a small apartment or a large house; shopping at a discount store or a fancy store. This is the difference between a high probability of an early death by starvation or disease; or living a relatively good life until about 80.

In other words, this change since about the year 1800 is a phenomenal improvement in life for all people.

Read More

There’s a great misunderstanding about what it means to live a happy life, and it can be summed up in the popular symbol of the smiley face.

Now, I like to smile. I love feeling that kind of glowing, delighted state of emotional bliss. It’s wonderful to be full of joy and love and laughter. But feeling those things doesn’t in and of itself make for a happy life; and just because you don’t happen to feel them in the moment doesn’t mean you are unhappy.

In fact, if simply feeling those emotions all the time was what constituted happiness, then it would be a simple matter to find the right combination of drugs that would perpetually bathe our neurons with joyful chemicals, and we could all be perpetually happy.

But this smiley face view of happiness is not the whole story, at all. And we all know it.

A happy life is an engaged life, an active life, an ethical life, a life that you create; a life you can be happy about, a life you can be proud of.

It is not a perfect life.

If you have a view of happiness that tells you that to feel sad or angry or afraid is a sign of failure, or a moral shortcoming of some kind, you’re actually setting yourself up for a miserable bind. The “negative” emotions of life are just as important as the “positive” emotions, in their own way.

Nobody wants to walk around feeling afraid all the time… or angry, or sad. These feelings, in and of themselves, don’t make you happy either.

But they do provide you with important information about what is going on. Used well, they are responses to actual circumstances.

Read More

In a study by Jean Twenge of San Diego State University, she found that college kids today are more likely to call themselves gifted and driven to succeed, while their test scores and hours spent studying are decreasing. Their tendency toward narcissism has also increased over the last 30 years.

Today I want to look at what I consider one of the sources of this trend: the unearned self-esteem movement.

Many years ago, when I was young psychology graduate student studying with Nathaniel Branden, I remember him talking one day about how he had been invited to be part of The California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem, lead by California State Assemblyman John Vasconcelos.

Nathaniel couldn’t see why he would be involved in that, since he did not see a role for government in the development of self-esteem. Nonetheless, the Task Force carried on, and created guidelines for building “self-esteem” in a way that Branden would never have advocated.

According to a New York Times article about the study group in October of 1986:

Mr. Vasconcellos, a 53-year-old Democrat, is described by an aide as “the most radical humanist in the Legislature.” Mr. Twombly said the study group was an attempt by the Assemblyman to translate into political action his 20 years of “personal emotional work” in various forms of psychological therapy at Esalen Institute near Big Sur and other places.

”I’ve explored a lot of alternative ways of being and relating,” Mr. Vasconcellos said. The bill that created the 25-member study group says its aim is to compile “the world’s most credible and contemporary research regarding whether healthy self-esteem relates to the development of personal responsibility and social problems” such as crime, drug abuse, teen-age pregnancy and welfare dependency.

Whether it was Vasconcelos’s intention or not, the model of self-esteem that the task force has effectively encouraged was the one that my favorite social psychologist Roy Baumeister showed did nothing to improve a person’s happiness, success, or character.

Read More